we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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