This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
