So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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