I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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