did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
