Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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