Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Betty ford says i'm here all night
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
