12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
