Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
