Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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