coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
