Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
