so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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