Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she told me i tasted like america
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
