Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
