Those balls look pretty dangerous.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
