Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
