its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
