I don't usually arrange sex via text message
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
