I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
