she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
