I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
