i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
