Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
