I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
