She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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