Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
