Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
