So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
