My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
