the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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