You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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