I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
