So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
