She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
