enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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