Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
