What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
