You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
