he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize