the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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