i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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