SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
