New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
