to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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