He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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