I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
