i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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