me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
