Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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