were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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