great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
