Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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