sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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