Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
