Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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