i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
